I used to know

I used to know who I was.  Maybe.  At least, I think I did.  I want to believe I did.  Before children.  Even after children.  I lost pieces of me here and there but even after the divorce, I had an idea of who I was and what I wanted.  Where I was heading.  The dreams I had.

I'm not sure I know anymore.  I feel lost.

It doesn't help that I live in a constant state of fight or flight (something about the nerves at T5 being responsible for it).  I'm panicked all the time.  Heart racing, mind racing.  Never sure of where I am, where Im going.  If I'm safe or not.

It's a sucky way to live. And scary.

And right now...everything scares me.

Spinning in circles.......round and round I go.